In his book Lost in the Shuffle Robert Subby describes one of the ‘rules’ of the co-dependent family:
It’s not ok to talk about or express feelings openly
When we live by this rule we come to believe that our feeling are bad or wrong. As a result we shut them down and become ‘cut off from ourselves.’
By the time I finally quit drinking I was so emotionally detached from myself it took another 10 years to uncover the ‘why’s’ and ‘wherefores’ of why I was drinking in the first place.
The drinking soothed the panic attacks, anxiety, fear, insomnia, and constant turmoil of indecision that comes from identity loss as a result of being divorced from self.
The real ‘me’ was trapped deep inside, sometimes it literally felt like she was beating on my inner extremities begging to be let out.
I realized that I had left her, wounded, a long time ago.
Today I have decided to come back to her, to listen to her, and to love her.
She is important
She matters
She is me.
Jodie Stevens
GREAT article. I just forwarded it to my husband. His family does not talk about anything!
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Thank you for putting it into words. Ive been clean 7 years from drugs, after a 24 year addiction to crack and meth. I think the ‘real me’ is only starting to emerge. I sometimes feel a stranger to myself. I can only thank, and look to God to continue his work in me. God Bless you Jodie!