The latest episode of the Genuine Life Recovery podcast is a great conversation with Roger Marum. As a seasoned therapist and accomplished author, Roger has explored the interplay between spirituality, mental health, and addiction through his writings and personal experiences. His books, “Faith, Doubt and Listening: Lessons Learned by a Reluctant Disciple” and “Seasons of a Psychotherapist’s Soul,” offer insights into spiritual, clinical, and addiction issues.
Roger’s Background and Early Challenges
Roger’s journey began in Brooklyn, where he was born into a conservative evangelical family. Growing up, he grappled with the strict beliefs of his parents, who divided the world into “us” and “them.” This environment fostered a sense of exclusivity and disapproval of anyone outside their religious circle, leading Roger to develop a secret life that defied his parents’ rigid expectations.
“My father’s way of encouraging me felt more like bullying,” Roger recalls. “I felt constrained by their strict views, which led to a strained relationship.” Despite the love and support he received, Roger struggled with identity and authenticity, often engaging in activities his parents disapproved of, like attending parties and dating outside their religious circle.
Struggles with Identity and Alcohol
As Roger moved through high school and college, his rebellious nature continued to manifest. His decision to attend Wheaton College, influenced by his parents, marked the beginning of academic challenges. Despite his parents’ intentions, Roger flunked out of Wheaton during his freshman year, a setback that led him to Taylor University, where he eventually excelled.
During this period, Roger’s defiance took on new forms—alcohol and cigarettes. These habits became expressions of rebellion against his parents’ beliefs. Despite his academic achievements and professional success, Roger led a double life, excelling outwardly but struggling internally with authenticity and belonging.
The Turning Point: Embracing Change
Roger’s journey took a significant turn in 1991 when he attended a Dodger Fantasy Camp in Florida. On a flight to Orlando, he drank seven screwdrivers to cope with his fear of flying. This moment marked the beginning of a realization that his drinking was a coping mechanism, not just an act of defiance.
Three years later, a pivotal event prompted Roger to reassess his life choices. In 1994, the murder of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman coincided with a personal crisis. In a moment of desperation and intoxication, he broke into his girlfriend’s office to uncover her infidelity. This incident, coupled with personal chaos, led Roger to a profound realization—he was tired of living a life of duplicity and self-destruction.
Determined to change, Roger embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. He committed to attending 90 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings in 90 days, seeking clarity about his relationship with alcohol. During this period, he embraced sobriety, quit smoking, and focused on personal growth. By the end of three months, Roger found a newfound sense of self and clarity about his drinking habits.
Embracing Authenticity and Moderation
Throughout his journey, Roger discovered that his drinking was not rooted in addiction but rather in defiance against his upbringing. His time in AA helped him understand that his issues were more about rebellion than a lack of control over alcohol. With this realization, Roger embraced a lifestyle of moderation, finding balance and authenticity in his actions.
“Authenticity and self-acceptance are crucial,” Roger emphasizes. “My drinking was a symptom of a deeper struggle with identity and self-expression.” Through therapy and self-reflection, Roger reconciled his past, embracing a more inclusive and loving relationship with God.
Insights on Recovery and Authenticity
Roger’s story is a testament to the power of self-discovery and acceptance. He emphasizes that recovery is a journey of coming back to oneself. By understanding and embracing his true self, Roger found a sense of peace and fulfillment that had eluded him for years.
In his practice, Roger applies these insights to help others on their recovery journeys. He acknowledges that recovery is not a one-size-fits-all process and that each person’s journey is unique. By fostering an environment of understanding and acceptance, Roger empowers individuals to explore their paths to healing and self-discovery.
The Role of Therapy in Recovery
As a therapist, Roger’s approach to recovery is rooted in an understanding of mental health and addiction. He recognizes the complexities of addiction, acknowledging that it often stems from a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. In his practice, Roger emphasizes the importance of community and support systems in the recovery process.
When assessing individuals with substance use issues, Roger focuses on understanding their unique circumstances and underlying mental health challenges. He encourages open dialogue and exploration, allowing individuals to express their needs and goals. By providing a safe and supportive environment, Roger helps his clients navigate their paths to recovery, fostering a sense of empowerment and resilience.
Through his experiences, Roger has learned that true healing begins with understanding and accepting oneself. By embracing authenticity and fostering a deeper connection with God, he has found a sense of peace and fulfillment that guides his work as a therapist and author.
In our conversation, Roger shared valuable insights into the challenges of maintaining faith during the recovery process. His story serves as an inspiration to those navigating their own journeys of healing and self-discovery, reminding us all of the importance of authenticity, acceptance, and the unwavering love of a compassionate God.
