There are three things you absolutely must do if you want to get and stay sober from drugs, alcohol, or any other life controlling substance or destructive life pattern:
- Admit You Have a Problem
- Ask for Help
- Practice Rigorous Honesty
Admit You Have a Problem
In my drinking days I was pretty secretive about my addiction so I didn’t have anyone confronting me about my problem. However, continual blackouts and what I would classify as near death experiences finally led me to the point of admitting to myself that I had a problem with alcohol and that my life ‘had become unmanageable’ as it says in Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.”
I’m sure you have known someone with an explosive temper who is addicted to control, or someone who is highly manipulative. They are the kind of person who deflects their behavior and blames others when confronted. Until they can take ownership of their problem and how it impacts them and others it is impossible for them to change…impossible.
The same is true when it comes to substance abuse. Admitting this level of weakness is hard for many people because it requires humility. Who likes to admit they have a problem? However, the Bible tells us we were all born powerless over the influence of sin. That means all of us, there is no exception. Humility is having a proper perspective of ourselves. That is to say that we are not the worst and we are not the best, we are simply human. If you struggle with an addiction or other life controlling issue this does not mean that you are fatally flawed. It simply means that you are human.
Humility is not shame. There is no shame in admitting we have a problem.
Ask for Help
Is there anything more humbling than this? Probably. However, asking for help can actually be the most courageous thing you ever do. I remember the morning I decided to get help for my drinking. I was hungover and shaking. For at least two hours I held the phone in my hands before summoning the nerve to call and ask for help. I have never taken a dink since. Sometimes humility takes courage.
The world is full of humble courageous people asking for help everyday and there are many humble courageous people willing to help. Beating our addiction can’t be done alone. Addictions are rooted in shame. Shame lies. It whispers to us in the dark and says we are bad and that help cannot be found outside of ourselves. Shame insists that we are better off suffering alone.
Shame is the enemy of our soul who serves up our addiction on a silver platter hoping we will isolate and soothe ourselves into destruction.
Practice Rigorous Honesty
Why is honesty so important? If we are not honest with ourselves about our problem how can we get better? Remember that addictions and other life controlling behaviors are merely band-aid’s that conceal deeper issues. They are maladaptive coping mechanisms. They may have worked in our family of origin but now they are backfiring and causing us problems. We need to get to the root of these issues. This requires looking within ourselves and uncovering the deeper issues that are causing these maladaptive coping strategies.
For instance, you may struggle with low self worth and find it hard to stand up for yourself and ask for what you need. As a result, you often feel angry, used and powerless. Unbeknownst to you is that the drinking or the anger is your way of exerting power over the situation. By drinking, using, or eating, you are self soothing and doing something about the situations you feel powerless over. Understanding this dynamic can help you become more assertive with others and thereby decrease the power your addiction has over you.
I hope you found these three things helpful. If you would like a more in depth discussion about these three things please check out my latest podcast on this topic by clicking here.
